The last post of the year

So 2005 is over. It was a good year. I started out the year alone and ended up alone, which is pretty much the usual for me. It gets lonely sometimes, but it's all part of the human condition. I don't know if I'd have the adventures I do if I were with someone, but it would feel nice to have the love and support of someone versus the feeling of going at the world alone. Most of the people I know are married, and I'm homing in on 30 soon being this shallow and emotionally stunted asshole. I just have this nagging feeling that perhaps my time to find someone has passed. I don't know how to explain it, but it's just a feeling...

I'm not sleeping well because I'm thinking I have sleep apnea and should probably drag myself to the sleep clinic. I'm not sure if I'm depressed because I'm not sleeping, or not sleeping because I'm depressed. Or if depression is just brought on by the fact that it's been dark and gloomy in Chicago, when I get up in the morning it's dark out and when I go home it's dark out.

I can't wait for 2006. The slate is wiped clean and it starts anew. I wish everyone the best in 2006 and hope it's better than your 2005 was.

The con artists!

So I woke up this morning and headed out the door to go pretend to work and I got this funny under my door.



lol

My day off

Today feels like I am playing hooky from work, which is a nice feeling to go out on a Monday and not have to go to a meeting or something as fun. So I have done nothing except for run errands and sit on my ass and plan the next few trips. For Acapulco, I've come up with a list of things I'd like to do for both my weekend trips, but have to run it through my buddy first so I don't repeat anything. I would like to go swim with dolphins and do a booze cruise of some sorts which doesn't work when you're with a Muslim who doesn't drink. Oh, and the cliff divers too. That would be fun.

I've made preliminary plans for Gibraltar, including my hotel for the first few nights and have been reading through books on what to do. Planning an overnighter in Tangier is on the list of things to do, but I might just be lazy and book it through FRS and be done with it otherwise I'll probably wander around, say something offensive in Arabic and get mugged.

As for Prague, I'm not sure what I want to do. The only thing that I'd love to do if I can is go visit the Kostnice Ossuary Beinhaus, or The Church of Bones. Basicially, the entire church is decorated with artwork made from human bones. I stole the picture from this page, which has a lot more photos in case you want to check this out. I also want to go see Prague Castle, the Old Jewish Cemetary and the National Gallery.

And I've been looking for what to do for New Years. This would not be it.

Syriana

So I went to go see Syriana and despite all the good reviews, it sucked ass. Basically, it was an aimless 2+ hour documentary that browbeat you over the head over with shitty writing (much like Traffic) and the Soderbergh shakycam style of directing (hey Hollywood, knock this off. This is boring and shitty and it pisses people off. Like the asshole who decided this was a good idea in The Bourne Supremacy - it's not gritty, it's shitty).

Now I can hear groaning and some of you saying, but Hawkins - you missed the point - it's an epic about what is going on in the Middle East! Whatever. If you liked this movie, you're as deep as a geopolitical thinker as my dog is.

Oh yeah and George Clooney and Dr. Bashir die in this movie.

Bachelor Christmas

Since my family is kickin' it in Orlando, I'm enjoying a bachelor Christmas. I have a three day weekend to do absolutely nothing. This is the first real weekend I have had in a while where I don't have to go anywhere and have no responsibilities other than sitting on my ass and watching TV. My major concern is if I can find a place to watch the Bears game tomorrow as my Christmas lunch/dinner instead of going out for Thai food.

I am half temtped to get on a plane somewhere, but it'd sort of be useless because it being Christmas, everything is closed.

My photos

I am reorganizing my photos on Fotki. Try not to sound too enthused. Between this and adding album art to my 8600 songs in iTunes, I'm afraid I've officially hit the epitome of being boring.

Future travels

Since I'm perpetually single and have no outlet to spend money on other than electronics, it's important to have a trip in the future to plan and spend money on. In Janurary, I've got two weekend trips to Acapulco. I plan on doing some sight seeing there, and perhaps get some surfing in (well, standing on a board for a fraction of a second, falling off, then repeating the process over the course of 4 hours).

In early Feburary, Tim guessed right - I'm going to Gibraltar. Why? Beats me. I don't know anyone who has been there and besides, it sounded cool and I get to spend time in Andulcia, Spain and take the ferry over to Tangier, Morocco for an overnight trip. Gibraltar does sound fun - I get to see the infamous Barbary apes and have a surreal time while being right on the Mediterranean.

And before I'm grounded for a month for being on call at work, I'm going to cram a long weekend in Prague the last weekend in February. Get some castles in and perhaps find some good nightclubs.

As always, I'll be more than happy to send out postcards.

"And to most of us onboard, Merry Christmas"

I'm done flying for the rest of the year. 21 airports in 7 countries... I'm done. It's nice to call it a year and look forward to the next. But it was an interesting little trip.

I got to the airport ass early on Saturday morning to do the quick Chicago to Detroit leg and back. I didn't get any sleep the night before so leaving the bachelor pad at 4:30am didn't help. Riding the Blue Line is a treat at that time because you're the only person in your particular car who is not homeless. But I digress. It was a nice short trip and I bought muffins for the flight crew so they were instantly my bitches.

I got back to O'Hare around 10:30 and had 4 hours to kill until my flight to Dallas so I decided to go wander the airport because it hit me that despite all the time I spend there, I don't know it that well. I didn't know who Lt. Cmdr Edward "Butch" O'Hare was, but got to read his biography and see the replica of his plane. I'm inclined to find his autobiography because he sounds like a badass. I did Google his Medal of Honor Citation on my Treo at the airport and got this:

For conspicuous gallantry and intrepidity in aerial combat, at grave risk of his life above and beyond the call of duty, as section leader and pilot of Fighting Squadron 3 on 20 February 1942. Having lost the assistance of his teammates, Lt. O'Hare interposed his plane between his ship and an advancing enemy formation of 9 attacking twin-engine heavy bombers. Without hesitation, alone and unaided, he repeatedly attacked this enemy formation, at close range in the face of intense combined machinegun and cannon fire. Despite this concentrated opposition, Lt. O'Hare, by his gallant and courageous action, his extremely skillful marksmanship in making the most of every shot of his limited amount of ammunition, shot down 5 enemy bombers and severely damaged a sixth before they reached the bomb release point. As a result of his gallant action--one of the most daring, if not the most daring, single action in the history of combat aviation--he undoubtedly saved his carrier from serious damage.

If that's not a hero and worthy of having an airport named after you, I don't know what is.

I wandered from Terminal 3 through Terminals 2 and 1 and realized that they suck so I took the tram over to Terminal 5 because at least the International Terminal would be a little more stimulating but since most of the flights leave in the evening and it was merely noon, it was nothin' but tumbleweeds rollin' down the concourse. I went back to Terminal 3 and went to the gate where my flight would be in 2 and a half hours and fell asleep on the floor. I woke up about 45 minutes before the scheduled departure to find out that the gate had moved and walked over. At the gate there was this super hot woman I was going to approach but her husband and her two kids were near with her so I figured that her husband wouldn't let her sit with me up in First. But whatever. The flight was delayed and I nearly missed my connection in Dallas (I did have to haul ass and they were just about to close the door). That sucked because I don't like to have to walk fast in an airport let alone expose the poor people at DFW to a big guy lumbering down the terminal with arms flailing.

I get to the BWI Hampton Inn and drop my stuff in the room and since I was feeling quite awake, I asked the front desk staff where I could get a beer and watch the Broncos-Bills game that was within walking distance. She said, oh, it's at a bar at the Marriott and it's about a mile away but I can get the shuttle bus driver to take you. I shot her a look of "r u serious?" and the next thing you know my new friend is taking me to a bar which turned out to be a 2 minute drive away and a 10 minute walk in return. I unsuccessfully tried to chat up a petite curly haired girl who was there for a wedding so I ended up drinking with a few Airmen and then went back to the hotel to get a few hours of sleep before my flight back home.

My flights back were boring. About 60 soldiers from a Quartermaster Battalion were on my flight so that was interesting when it came to wandering around the gate. I let one guy use my cell phone to call home and helped a few use the self-service kiosk at checkin and was impressed at how polite all of them were. I shouldn't be called "Sir" unless you're being snarky but here they were, calling me "Sir" like I had earned that right. It makes you feel good about the military when you meet nothing but polite young men and women.

So now it's time for a nap and then dinner. Yay for stuff!

Tormenting spouses

Tim's lovely wife Holly is a big William Shatner fan. For serious. Tim was saying how much she enjoyed his vocal skills so I was on Amazon.co.uk and found this CD for her and I was soooo excited so I emailed her and this is what I got as a response:

NOOOO! why are you so cruel? I will send you flowers or cards or call you or something. Please oh please.

I think Holly just has trouble saying "Thank You."

The Hawkins 7: Useless stats from Google Analytics

1) I get about 30 unique visitors a day to the blog, which is kinda cool because 29 of those are here by mistake.
2) People from 15 other countries visited the blog this week. No real exotic ones, other than Bermuda.
3) 86 Tips is the #1 blog referrer.
4) The #2 Google keyword referral to my blog is "nick hawkins bedhopping pirate condoms." What the fuck?
5) The funniest Google keyword referrals are "cheap escorts in kensington, philadelphia", "where to get vicodin in chicago" and "how to smuggle cuban cigars."
6) 60% of my blog visitors spend less than 10 seconds at the blog. Thanks a lot, assholes. :(
7) Over 22% of visitors use Firefox. Sweet!

This weekend

I need to do a mile run this weekend to make sure that I am topping off my required miles per year in order to keep airline status. Yes, it's sick. Yes, it's a sign of a mental illness and perhaps a personality disorder, but I could care less. Saturday's trip features 4 different airports in 12 hours and eventually ending up in Baltimore to get drinks with friends and to come back the next morning. All of my upgrades have cleared so I can kick back, have legroom and plan the Acapulco weekends and my February "adventure." It actually works out well for me because I'm forced to sit back, relax and read.

This will all be over soon enough. It'd be nice to sleep in on a Sunday morning or actually spend a Friday night out without having to worry about catching a flight.

I am sick

I don't know how I got sick but it feels like I have the flu. My back and joints are sore and I have been sleeping a lot (but not quality sleep, mind you). I left work early around 3ish and went straight to bed and woke up at close to midnight and am going to go back to bed shortly.

I have been adding album art to my iTunes collection. It's more laborous than you think, especially when you have 8600+ songs to go through. I'm using a widget from Konfabulator called the iTunes companion that queries Amazon.com/.de/.co.uk/etc for album art, sometimes to hilarious results. Queenryche's "Promised Land" pulled album art for an Andy Griffith CD (the CD is from Drew's collection, so don't blame me).

I'm going to Acapulco for a weekend next month by myself and I haven't planned a thing for it. I should get on it this weekend. I caught a mistake airfare - Indianapolis to Acapulco for ~$110 and bought it twice, but had to piggyback a Chicago to Indianapolis flight on top of that for $98. So effectively the first time I am going I am doing ORD-IND-ORD-ACA-ORD-IND-ORD (the second time is through DFW instead of Chicago).

I think that if worse comes to worse, I will make fun of the tourists, sit on the beach and apply SPF 2000 and read or just bring my camera down there and have fun.

Question to the gallery

Do I live a "decadent" lifestyle? Just curious. I don't think I do because for every 1 "classy" thing I do, I do 10 that are totally unclassy.

Player hatin'

So I got an email today from a dude who was on my British Airways flight from hell back from Africa and he managed to get a free round trip for him and his wife to make up for his troubles. All I got was 50k free miles because I was caught up in the strike on the way out. BA, why you hatin'?

Hello lover

I love duty free shopping.

The Hawkins 7: What I want in my dream house

Since I am killing off time in the airport I might as well write something complete stupid.

1) A Go-kart track.
2) Pets: Two dogs (Hilary and Jackie), a wombat (Ophelia) and a potbellied pig named Bacon.
3) A Batman pole whereby I can get out of bed in the morning, slide down the pole and automatically get changed into work clothes and head out the door. Batcave is optional.
4) A really really big slide.
5) 18 hole miniature golf course.
6) A big telescope.
7) An arcade room with old school games (yes I could get/build a MAME cabinet, but that's not as fun).

What A Week To Be Flying

Holy shit, it's been a fucked up week to be on planes. First we have a shooting in Miami, then a Southwest plane comes in hot in shitty weather and takes out a car and unfortunately kills a child. Needless to say, that doesn't make me feel better about getting on a plane in 5 hours.

I really believe that the poor guy who was shot in Miami didn't say "bomb" once. It really breaks my heart that this guy was mentally ill and was killed. Mental illness runs in my family, so there's a burden and understanding that goes along with this. The more I read, the more I realize that most likely, Mr. Alpizar was off his medications, had a freakout at the gate and when he boarded and just had to get off the plane. It's a hard feeling to describe. You feel claustrophobic and the walls start to close in. The room gets louder and you feel like you can't breathe. So this is what I think: he just had to get off the plane and made a run for it. The Air Marshal's gave chase, drew their weapons and trained it on Mr. Alpizar.

By all accounts, he had a backpack and fanny pack on so when he was ordered to the ground, he wasn't able to lie on his stomach. He probably said that he was going to kill himself and that might have been misheard. Someone might have said "bomb" and in the heat of the moment, it might have attributed to him. Tunnel vision for the air marshals set in, and Mr. Alpizar probably made a move towards something in his bag and got killed for it. All the while, his wife was shouting that he was mentally ill and off his medication. At some point, one of the officers should have heard her and talked to him. If you've got multiple officers pointing a gun at a guy who is on the ground, one could lower their weapon and talk to him or cuff him and call the bomb squad. Overzealous behavior on the part of the air marshals caused this man to be killed.

Let's keep in mind that he did have to go through security in order to get on the plane. What does that say for the TSA if they missed a bomb? Better yet, if he was a terrorist, what's to prevent a suicide bomber from having a dead man's switch?

I still think that air marshals are a reactionary force put in place after the proverbial horse has left the barn. They don't blend in and make me feel worse about flying because now *I* feel like I'm being watched on the plane. I don't feel any safer because some guy is carrying a weapon on the plane. I do believe that if a plane was going to be hijacked, passengers would not stand for it and get in the way even at the risk of their own lives.

I want this as my pet

He looks so cute!

Picture Pages

Fotki.com just added geolocation info to my photo albums, so you're able to create a nice clean map with Google Maps. I need to do some clean up in order to make this a little more presentable, but it's still a nice map if you didn't feel like weeding through my pictures.

Q & A

Since only like two people have asked random questions, I will answer them.

You seem to travel alone so often, don't you feel odd? How about eating alone? I couldn't do it.
It's not that tough. Actually, it's quite fun. No one's ever a boring office worker on a holiday. And after a while, it's quite liberating because if you're a shy person, it takes a lot to get around a place where you don't speak the language and stick out. Those experiences make life fun and make bad days at home less bad because you can think back to that time where you were in and knowing 5 words of , I had a good time and took chances.

if you were a cheese, what kind of cheese would you be and why?
I'm lactose intolerant, you meanie.

If you could choose a super-power, which would you pick?
I want The Force. I would never get tired of it. If I just had one super power, I'd fly because I hate walking places because tourists can't walk in my neighborhood. Or read minds.

February's Mystery Trip

Since I like being benevolent and giving away stuff, I'll post another picture from my mystery trip in February and let you guess. For those who missed the first one in a previous post, check that out first and think about where this is and I will bring you back a souvineer from that place, this time - not involving midgets. (Yes Mike and Tim, I know I didn't mail out your shirts from Ireland yet - get bent.)

The Hawkins 7: 7 Things People Should Get Their Ass Kicked For At The Airport/On Planes

I'm in a pissy mood. I don't know what my problem is. I guess over the course of the year and all that time in airports waiting finally got on my nerves. So, I present to you my list of things that people should have their ass kicked for.

1) Check-in. Just because the line is shorter doesn't mean you can use it. I was held up trying to check in for my flight this weekend because the couple in front of me decided to take the path of least resistance and use the EP line. "Oh, we didn't know! Can you still check us in anyway?" Needless to say, they were unconvincing at playing dumb and I had to wait behind them when I was running very late.

2) Security lines. I know it's a major ordeal when going through the security checkpoint. People should realize that you go through a METAL DETECTOR, which works by making an annoying beep when it finds METAL. When it goes beep, the TSA assclowns have to search you, which slows the line down. You can solve this problem by taking off all your metal shit and putting it in a bag before you approach the table. "I didn't realize my phone would set it off." For serious learn to tell the difference between metal and not metal. Metal watches will generally set it off, so will metal belt buckles.

3) Walking around the airport. Just because the corridor is pretty wide doesn't mean you can veer from side to side like you're stumbling home from the bars at 3am. Please walk on the right.

4) Boarding the plane. When it's your turn you can board the plane - not before. And asking to board since you already are there just irritates other people.

5) Overhead bins. On the way back, I got on quickly and put my stuff in the overhead bin and pushed it to the side to make room for other people's stuff because I'm a nice guy like that. The guy who sat in front of me in the bulkhead seat removed my jacket and placed his stuff in the overhead bin and then said, oh, I thought this was a blanket. Yes, because the airline that put a RED blanket on your seat and is known for having red blankets on every flight puts black blankets in the overhead bin. Ass. So this douchenozzle decides to jack my souvineers and jacket up so he can place his overly large carryons away. If your shit takes up a lot of space, then get on earlier than most so you can claim space, otherwise be prepared to have your stuff in random locations throughout the aircraft.

And unless you're elderly and/or crippled, please be able to put your bag in the overhead compartment by yourself without it crashing onto your fellow passengers.

6) Bathrooms. On a long flight, invariably someone who will use the lavatory has bad aim. If you're like me and you like to take off your shoes on flights, watch out for piss on the floor of the lav. Seriously, even if the plane is bouncing because of turbulence, there's a handle to hold on to so you can piss into the toilet. And odds are, this is not your first time pissing into a toilet.

Learn to fucking aim, will you? And if you miss, clean it up.

7) Getting off the plane. This is the fun time for people because if the flight is late, people are in a hurry to get their connecting flight. When the plane arrives at the gate and the seat belt sign comes off, this is not the time to start to gather your stuff and clean up your seat and make sure all your shit is with you. You should have done this BEFORE the plane lands so that when it lands and you pull up at the gate, you can stand up - and in one swift motion - get your stuff out of the overhead bins in order for you to disembark the aircraft in an orderly fashion.

I can't win

I've hit a rut as of late with things not going my way, which flat out sucks ass. I'm sore, feeling unloved and unwanted by women and the holidays are fast approaching - which means the holiday dysfunction sets in. I don't want anything from Santa because I already have what I need and if there was something I wanted, I'd just get it. That's the benefit of being an adult with a decent job.

Apparently this picture of the Tour Eiffel is prohibited due to French copyright law so it's sort of fuzzy that if it's cool for amateurs to use. Fuck. Or something.

I've had a few bidders back out of auctions on eBay, so I'm pissed about that.

The first batch of my holiday gifts have gone out in the mail to friends and the like, so I hope you like them otherwise my feelings will be hurt and you'll have to spend time thinking about it.

And this is where I am going in February. You can guess. It's more fun that way.