Let's Bring 'Em Home

So, being a guy who tries to help people out sometimes hurts, mainly because there's a lot that I can't help with. So, the Let's Bring 'Em Home project is close to my heart. Donate some money to bring enlisted soldiers home for the holidays.

British Slang

You can't beat the Effing Pot's guide to British English. It's very good and a required read.

The last ten referrals from search engines

This is posted just for fun, mainly because other than my friends, I don't know how people show up at this blog.

"miss philly girl" (yahoo.com)
whereishawkins.blogspot.com (google.com)
cnn business traveller:richard quest (cnn.com)
Terry Schiavo Obituary (yahoo.com)
nick hawkins (google.com)
executive platinum aa (yahoo.com)
"cards as weapons" ebook (yahoo.com)
hawkins rifles (yahoo.com)
american airlines "we know why you fly" (google.com)
Ian Robinson Calgary Sun maggots (msn.com)

Surviving Thanksgiving

Well, I made it back from Orlando and the emotional scaring that normally follows a family visit. Glad to be back in the cold of Chicago instead of the vast urban sprawl that is Florida. I'm also done with flying for the year, I think. 43 segments, 20 airports, 8 countries, 7 states, 27 passport stamps and 101,946 miles (EQM). I got to fly in premium cabins for over half of those miles, so it's not a bad deal. Show loyalty, work the system and everything will turn out splendid.

Reunions

I got an email about pre-planning my 10 year reunion from high school. Oh boy!

It's hard for me to get excited about a reunion. For some people, it's an excuse to see friends, to swap memories and for some kids who hated high school because they were picked on for being smarter, etc. like me - a chance to take revenge by showing off what you've achieved in life. I was out a while ago with some classmates (the handful I talk to now) and they were all excited about attending the reunion for the same reason - an act of revenge. I could care less about attending. Those who wanted to talk to me could have easily found me within 30 seconds on Google, or called my old house and asked for my address and number. But yet I'm still being goaded into going because it's a way for those who were picked on and made to feel little to show up and rub it in the faces of the cool kids. But I don't want that because I've grown out of that stage of my life. I've accepted the role I played back then and am ok with it. The whole notion of "revenge" in this case is bizarre: it's like me taking a poison and hoping it kills you.

Hahaha. Trump

Trump's Casinos file for Bankruptcy. There's something inherently funny about people wanting to be "The Apprentice" now.

Booked my first mile run for 2005: ORD-STL-LAX-SJC-ORD with an overnight in LAX. I figure sleep, read, stay out in the sun, and go get dinner at Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles. I guess my plan is to be at the 35-40k mark by the end of March so I'm not scrambling like I was this year and fly 58,755 miles from September 1 to December 1 to make up for it.

Fuck the weak US dollar

Seriously, something needs to be done. I know that we need to have a "strong US Dollar" policy but for serious, exchange rates are killing me. Let's look at what currencies I've used this year:

1 USD = 1.16 Swiss Francs (1 CHF = $0.86). I believe that I got 100 CHF in January for $73 or so.
1 USD = 0.768 Euro (1 Euro = $1.30). Holy shit. Last January in Brussels it was $1.03 = 1 Euro. In France it was obscene at $1.27 = 1 Euro.
1 USD = 0.538 Pounds Sterling (1 Pound = $1.86). Thirty months ago, it was 1 quid for $1.45. For the last 18 months, it's been above $1.80.
1 USD = $1.19 Canadian Dollars (1 CDN = $0.84). This should never be above 1 CDN = $0.70.
1 USD = $1.27 Australian Dollars (1 AUD = $0.78). This was 1 AUD roughly equaling $0.70 when I was there in September.
1 USD = 103.12 Japanese Yen. It was not cool to watch it drop 3% in the span of two days when I was in Osaka.

The good news is that excess currency that I've got in my "box of money" is now gaining value.

AA Rocks

On Friday before I left the office, someone from AA Corporate called me and explained what went down with the AA HNL-ORD snafu on Sunday. He was nice enough to explain what happened and it was nice to get a call. I figure, whiny Executive Platinum threatening to go to United was worth a few minute phone call. I think I got what I wanted out of it, and I'm ok about it. My upgrade streak had to end sometime.

Tuesday in the morning I get to go to Orlando, which will be the shortest flight I've had since Toronto (which didn't see like a flight since Tim and I just talked the entire way - the beauty of short flights). The first class upgrade came this morning, so at least I'm guaranteed 4B. I'm also guaranteed screaming kids from coach too. I should find out about the return flights on Monday or Tuesday before I go.

After Orlando, that's it. I know London for Febuary is coming up with my mom, but that's about it. It's really weird to not have anything within the pipeline. Oh well. Time to plan something else out.

I don't know why I didn't think of this myself

Making the Brita filtration work for you by using it to take cheap alcohol and filter out the crap to make it bearable.

November 2004 miles

Ouch.

Nobody looks at an American tourist

So I broke up a flight to Osaka to spend a 22 hour layover in Honolulu. Of course, in Honolulu, I got bored and managed to get a massage and find a gun range to fire assault rifles. And the bars (of course), where I managed to find a depressing blend of honeymooners, elderly couples taking cruises ("Were you on the boat?") and desperate guys hitting on the gorgeous bartenders at Tiki's Bar and Grill.

Osaka was a lot more fun than Honolulu. I got to see the Osaka Castle, which I thought was simply amazing. I was close to HEP Five, and wandered around the Umeda station area at night. On Sunday, I walked nearly 3 hours from the hotel to the Osaka Aquarium and Tempozan Harbor Village. I did stay at the Westin Osaka, which is probably the best Westin property I've ever stayed at. I miss it, and would go back to spend more time there. People are absolutely friendly.

What I was surprised by is that I felt pretty comfortable despite the language barrier. I stuck out so much that I was practically invisible (who looks at a Japanese tourist in the US?). I was the only Caucasian on both my flights (outside the pilots). When you've got no one to talk to, you sort of have to learn to be comfortable with not only who you are, but getting used to your own company. No "Lost in Translation" moments, which is probably a good thing because the last thing I want to do when I'm 6500 miles away from home is to meet another American and do the inevitable bitching about "how hard it is to find a good hamburger" (to plagarize William Burroughs).

The gate agents at Honolulu also managed to give away my upgrade to First on the way back to Chicago to a non-elite who simply asked. It's nice to see that the gate agents like to reward the people who spend a lot of money on AA compared to the occidentals who just go to Hawaii. Nasty letter was sent literally as soon as I got home. It's not like it'll do anything, but still, it will make me feel a bit better.

Pictures from the excursion have been posted.

Canadian columnist: Stay home, you pathetic whining maggots

Ian Robinson is my new hero. Calgary Sun Columnist tells people wanting to move to Canada because Bush won to stay in the US. Absolutely priceless.

Fuck. Me.

I just hit the door after leaving Osaka via Honolulu. 8400 miles, etc. I figure I'm running on 42+ hours uptime on 90 mins of sleep tops. Shower, blog posting, breakfast and then I can head into the office. Pictures from my trip are forthcoming.

Random thoughts from London

I love London, but I hate it. It's expensive, and when the US Dollar is so weak against the Pound Sterling, it's that much more shitty. And it's hard to meet girls there.

I finally got motivated to discover the arrivals lounge in Heathrow. It was nicer than expected, and I got a nice wakeup shower and a shave before I tackled the Picadilly Line.

The best line I have to cut off someone who wants to talk to me on a plane is when they ask what I'm doing or why I'm going to that destination I merely say "I have to hurt someone's feelings." Instant conversation killer.

The guy at passport control at O'Hare did a doubletake when he saw my November 1 entry stamp at O'Hare. It's a good thing that I didn't get flagged for a secondary search by Customs because I would have been, ahem, in trouble.

The Millennium Gloucester is staffed by assclowns.

I took Richard Branson's London recommendations to heart and he didn't steer me wrong.

I really need to learn to sleep on planes.

Wednesday, sunup, another long ass flight. I am an idiot.

Time to start planning Q1 2005. I don't think Amsterdam will materialize from my coworkers, so I might as well try something else.

From September 1 to now, I've flown 38,745 miles. Ouch.

Almost halfway done

I'm sitting in the Flagship Lounge at Heathrow and completely expecting a shit day. I overslept, didn't have breakfast, and ran into a clusterfuck. I'm tired, I need sleep and probably won't get any. I did acquire everything I wanted to get for people in London, so I'm sure I'll get shit for it, since no good deed ever goes unpunished.

American Airlines has a promotion entitled "We Know Why You Fly" and while slightly tipsy, I wrote 8 things why I fly AA. Not honest ones, mind you - just completely smartass ones that make me seem like a nice guy. So AA wrote back and wants to include my suggestions in their inflight magazine. One catch: They need a picture of me. I can certainly arrange that, but I'm half tempted to send in a fake picture to see if I can pull a fast one on AA. Who knows. Maybe it's the alcohol talking.

Starbucks Drinks Simplified

This has to be the best link of the last few weeks. The Starbucks Drinks Simplified makes my life easier when I have to decipher the Starbucks menu for a drink.

Richard Quest is a pimp

I never get tired of CNN Europe because of the really smoking hot women that they have and that my favorite newscaster in the world, Richard Quest is on.

Clearly, Richard's insane or on really good drugs. This guy must eat crack for breakfast. Not only is he the happiest guy ever, but he's the most energetic dude on TV. No one should be allowed to be this happy. Everything is loud and grandiose. But this guy travels a lot and I hope I get to bump into him because he cracks me up. He needs Ritalin. Combine Tweak from South Park with Dan Rather and you get Quest.

I want him to do my voice mail message.

Medium Pimpin'

Paris was lots of fun, and it was also very bizarre. The synopsis:

Arrival was chaotic. Exited the aircraft on the tarmac via stairs and onto a bus then absolute chaos upon checkin. Passport control was helpful and I had to ask to have my passport stamped. RER B was delayed due to an "accident involving a passenger." Oops.

Had to ask for both entry and exit stamps at CDG.

Mailed out 20 postcards this trip.

Had a cup of hot chocolate at the Hotel De Crillon. Never thought that I'd say that hot chocolate was worth €10. Ate gyros a few times too, Parisian style. Wandered around Montmartre and Saint Germain des Pres. I didn't find Amelie though, but I was going to pick up a few versions of their TV Guide because Audrey Tautou graced the cover. Even took a fully Americanized bike tour, but it was fun even though it was led by a stoner from Texas and had a lot of American girls studying overseas and generally being embarassing.

I also think I sat next to the rapper DMX on the flight back from Paris. He just introduced himself as "X" and pulled out $21k in 100's before takeoff. Then he slept most of the flight. Seemed like a normal guy with some flair, but admittedly, that was just out of the few minutes he was up. And he talked about the Ferraris and Lamborghinis he was driving over the weekend (complete with pictures). There's nothing that will reduce your coolness factor when someone sits down and talks to you about that stuff.

Paris photos are here, but I need to do some trimming and cleanup.

Back from Paris

Lots of crazy shit happened this weekend. Will write more later.